Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
I think your future wife would do well to honour and respect the man who loves her enough to see past the original deception and breaking of trust. She is flat out lucky not to be out on her ass.
You have opened your heart to her having other lovers and even embraced her other relationship. If she is too blinded by her own "want" and seeks to resume a relationship with the man who she broke your heart with, then I fail to believe she loves you. Some relationships are tarnished permanently by hurtful beginnings and trying to force that upon someone you "love" speaks volumes about what they are on the inside.
She is very lucky my friend. Very lucky indeed.
Stick to your guns my friend.
I feel very much the same way. I'm sorry you've found yourself in such a situation, my friend! A past relationship of mine went very, very wrong after she told me that it was basically either let her see other men, or she was going to cheat on me and I could take it or leave it.
I decided to let her see other men, but I was very resentful and hurt by it - it, in the end, destroyed a lot of what we had. If this is how you feel about M (and it sounds to me like she's basically telling you that she plans to see him again whether you like it or not, she's just looking for validation because she "told you" before she did it. Pfft. I have plenty of nasty things to say about that but I'll refrain.), you NEED to stick to your guns.
Hell, even with my fiance, HMA - he and his ex (I'll call her S) were still sort of seeing each other, and fucking, at the start of our relationship. I thought I could be okay with it, but eventually after a couple times, realized it wasn't going to work - and let him know that he could have ANY other woman on the planet, except S. The circumstances surrounding the end of their relationship, and the beginning of ours was just too much for me to handle.
HMA respected this - he understood the freedoms being given, and could understand and see my POV on WHY it was bothering me. He loved me, respected me, and moved forward. It's not quite the same situation, but it's close and I think the feelings were similar. There was a conversation about HMA and S' relationship, how things were very sexually based and how it was hard for them to be alone in a room together without it kind of "happening". I made it clear that he was a grown man, and she a grown woman - and both needed to respect the relationships of the other and get it through their heads that hormones weren't an excuse. He, like I said, respected this and dealt with his feelings toward her another way, and has made a LOT of progress moving on.
Anyway - I rant. I wanted to let you know I see where you're coming from, and while ultimatums aren't a good thing - I think you're justified in this case. Your fiance is LUCKY, like Mono said. Stick to your guns, man!