I'm the man in the middle in these relationships.* My friends think I'm either very brave or crazy to double the potential drama of a single woman.* I tell them there is twice the support and a million times the love.* So worth the challenges along this journey.
Thank you everyone for your advice and support; we surely need you folks as guiding stars to navigate the complex currents in this relationship between the islands of our hearts.
I think triad is currently the wrong term.* We're new to poly, and both GB and I are much more educated now.* Probably V would be more accurate description of us at this point.* I was the one who brought up the subject using triad as what I ideally envisioned and wanted, mea cuelpa, my apologies for any confusion.
Let me share a bit about my partner, K.* She is currently focused on other activities and hasn't been interested in women sexually since we swung with the porn actress a while back.* She's very independent and time constrained, and extremely focused.* It great when one is the focus of her attention, and at other times, I simply accept loving her from a short distance.* On the flip side, she's incredibly open and accepting.* I asked K how she could be so calm about the momentous changes in me and I was told that "you need this" with total care and acceptance in her eyes.* K is the one who suggested I go meet GB when I was busy out destroying a demo bike from work and I recently found out that her reasoning was "You need to go fuck"...* amazing.
Unless GB and K click upon meeting, it will take time to build anything and probably be centered around mutual interests they share.* However, even knowing each other only through me, they've been astoundingly generous with each other and I think that their common loving nature will let them connect in the way that works for them, separate from their relationships with me.
I've been challenged to upgrade my ability to communicate effectively exponentially and with increased mindfulness of my partners' intent since we all embarked on this adventure.* I'm of the mindset that it's never bad to identify what one wants, to ask for it, and trust others to act for the betterment of all.* It's practical concerns that make moving too fast unwise imho.* I'm looking forward two,three years away.* At this point in time, it is simply talking and finding out about each other, our respective hopes and dreams, our situations, and our plans; spending time with each other and deepening our bonds.
Funnily, however NRE may affect the brain, the loving sentiment behind the haze is quite evident.* GB told me "I want to know your flaws so that I can love them too" ... amazing!
Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Are you ready to move to the west coast for him (even if just to get your own place near them)? Pulling up stakes, leaving job, school, friends and family, to be nearer a guy you've only met once?
That was the long term plan, eventually, even if we had never crossed paths.* Funny how little coincidences in life work out like that.
I'm one of those who dislikes heirarchal terminology as applied to my own relationships.* Primary/Secondary, whatever the label, is incompletely descrptive of relationships, unable to encompass the uniqueness of how individuals interrelate.* I would prefer an unstructured clusterfuck (nod to TP) with energy and love flowing as it may.* For those who prefer structure, my primary woud be K, with GB as a secondary per her decision until we're all comfortable with moving to a different structure, for me ideally FMF domestic triad or V, with two primaries as the needs and desires of myself and my beloveds determine.
I've asked my partner K if she can give GB a similar kind of support that she would provide me in various sticky hypothetical situations; call in the night to get picked up when car breaks down, a shoulder to cry on and ear to listen when life isn't roses and peaches, someone to share special moments that would otherwise pass one by alone, that kind of support.* K says yes.* That simple from the soul of brevity.* However the relationship develops between K and GB is their issue to work through and I'll simply support their respective choices with love, but I'd hope for a baseline mutual friendship and respect for one another and themselves, their choice.
It's so difficult to keep perspective, stay grounded, when this LDR could be, would be, so much richer.** The pressure is from inside, from the longing for what is not yet ready to be actualized.* Takes time, but you know how it is, especially with NRE mixed in; we (GB and I) want it NOW despite the reality of a continent of distance and months, maybe several years between the ideal and what is.* I wish my emotions were more under my control, but I can only choose how to act upon them; fake it until you make it.* The painful part for me was worst case scenario; one or both ladies walking away from what could be a brilliant and beautiful future.
K told me, while discussing the possibility of accepting GB's offer to host me at her home before we all meet in Denver, "if you don't go, you're stupid" and shook her head.* Tough words, but they made me reflect on the choices and ramifications of accepting GB's offer upon what I wanted.* Would going further deepen our relationship?* Would we find we no longer connected?* How would K feel about me being gone?
I ended up travelling out for a 4 day weekend that stretched to 9 days thanks to Hurricane Irene.* The time I was granted in GB's life was almost a fairy tale adventure.* She was so easy to be with.* It solidified my dreams to something I could envision, embody, embrace, and almost grasp in the palm of my hand.* I wanted a life including bothK and GB.* I know the challenges ahead will force me to grow rapidly in many areas of interpersonal relations, communication, and compassion;* I'm open to this and it's happening now.* I'm wide open and I accept what blessings will come.* How could I be otherwise when holding both their hearts in each hand?
I only hope to learn from my mistakes and earn forgiveness for the inadvertent hurt I know we will experience.* We'll find out how compatible everyone is in a week when we all meet in Denver, and work out the dynamics from there.* I'm unbearably excited; this will be my chance to show off my loves to each other.* By seeing on another through my eyes, perhaps they'll realize just how special and dear to me they are.
Originally Posted by redpepper
I think its awesome you are taking a break. Excellent idea. Nre fucks with your head I find.
NRE sucks, not just in my head, but my heart.* K say I was a basket case and when GB pulled back, I was sobbing to soak K's shirt, terrified that I'd lost GB and mourning for what could have been.* I hate the loss of self-control and self-discipline.* I want to choose my actions and own my decisions with full awareness of the consequences, not this hormonally driven impulsive rationalization.* Any space or time either ladies needs to make their choices, I can totally provide.* Easy.* When the possibilities are this great, I would go through the torments of the damned for a single spark of hope that it will all be worth it.
> TT (L)