Originally Posted by ndd
The problems stem from the fact that I am lazy. Hell, that's the only thing we EVER argue about. I know that, and honestly tried to work on it. Last March, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and had my thyroid removed. Since then, getting the medicines balanced has eluded us until the last month or so. Because of that, I was physically unable to make the changes I needed to make. That's where the blindside came from, in the fact that I felt things were finally starting to go in the right direction.
We've both been numb through the health problems, which caused us both to pull away. She never wants to "rock the boat", so she simply bottles up until the top blows off. At the same time, I can be quite oblivious to what's going on around me until my attention is brought to it. I guess it's kind of a perfect storm for us.
After my last post, I finally recognized and accepted the reality of the situation. The relationship that we had was over. However, she is willing to make a new relationship with me if it includes who she really is, which is the poly side of her. I agreed to that last night. And I am oddly at peace with it in my heart. Now it's my head that I'm trying to bring in line.
OK I'm calling bullshit on her behavior, sorry. I have hypothyroidism and my mom had thyroid cancer. Because my thyroid deteriorated over a period of 5 years, my endocrine system got more and more screwed up and my energy level was CRAP. This is not laziness-- THIS IS A MEDICAL ISSUE. Even after I finally got a doctor to do what they needed to do it took almost THREE years and multiple medication dosages and a bazillion other health changes in order for me to feel like a real person again.
So basically you've been going through severe health issues that have caused you to have very very low energy and made it hard to get through the day, not to mention get things done, and instead of dealing with how health issues affect a relationship, she bottled it up until it was too much, took it out on you and now wants a new relationship.
My husband had a hard time with my illness as well as I was not the same person at that time and it took a LONG time to figure out what the issue was. By the end of the work day it was all I could do to sit on the couch and try to work up the energy to take a shower. I wasn't exactly a ball of laughs. I didn't have the energy for ANYTHING, I slept a lot and was still exhausted, etc. etc. ad nauseum.
Frankly I agree with NYCindie... you need to stress going to a therapist to deal with these issues first before adding anything into the mix. I know you feel "guilty" that your sickness caused all of this distress, but that's part of being in a relationship-- it's not always sunshine and roses.
And if she really "doesn't want to rock the boat", and bottles stuff up inside instead of communicating-- she should not be trying to cultivate more than one relationship. Honesty and communication and being able to work through issues is one of the most important things needed in a single relationship, and pretty much mandatory for multiple relationships--unless you don't care if the relationships are healthy, and don't care about the other people at all.