So... what do you get from the relationship with K?
We don't owe our partners *anything*, ultimately, except for respect and consideration. Everything else is negotiable. But if she won't give you those two things... why persist? Hell, I wouldn't keep a *friend* who wouldn't give me those things, much less a partner.
What you described about the physical distance between you two and her taking other lovers... that's my biggest fear in my relationship with my gf right now, that that might happen. :/ I think it does represent a really problematic alignment of priorities.
But it's not nearly as significant as the accumulated weight of all the many, many other things you mentioned... all those "message received's".
"Why? Why did she do it? Why did she choose to disregard my request? Why did she choose to do something that she knew would be hurtful? Why does she act as if she doesn’t want me anymore? Why go through the trouble of trying to ditch me in this manner, when she could just tell me to go away?
This of course may influence the answers to questions about me:
How do I actually feel about all this?
What did I do to cause or contribute to the situation?
Should I keep fighting for this and when should I start cutting my losses?
Where does my metamour stand in all this, and what’s the possible fallout for the primary relationship?
The big question remains: What should I do now?"
All these questions and for what? You said it yourself, actions speak louder than words. Lots of people are too cowardly to end a relationship directly, so they sabotage it. Lots of people are too callous to treat a person how they ought to be treated. Does it really matter which is the case here?
Show yourself the respect she won't show you and end it.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.