Originally Posted by nycindie
Hmm, it is definitely a good thing to make this connection and become aware of what's underneath it all.
If I were you, I would look and see if you have a pattern or belief system that causes you to seek out people who will eventually neglect or ignore you. We all have scripts we follow, old tapes we play, subconsciously, and a lot of the time our own beliefs and attitudes become self-fulfilling prophecies. There may be a small voice inside you that says you don't deserve long-lasting love. Or there may be a part of you that sees a relationship is over but you lack the confidence to end it, so you let it fizzle out until you feel victimized and must leave. It could be any number of scenarios we believe about ourselves or what kinds of relationships we deserve and can have. If you see a pattern -- that is, when the dynamics of one relationship are strikingly similar or reminds you of others you've had before -- that's a good place to start looking. And if you find this to be the case, don't judge yourself about it. Just be aware of this way of operating and be on the lookout for it in future.
I just brought this idea up in my last session! I don't date abusive individuals, though I have a pattern of going for emotionally unavailable individuals. This couple is the closest I have come to being with emotionally available peolpe, but by virtue of the fact that they are unfamiliar, and not fully clear about polyamory, they do not always apply their emotionally supportive behaviors to me, making them essentially emotionally unavailable to me.
They did come over tonight and I had a talk. Nothing was really resolved but concerns were aired. That at least helped my frame of mind, helped make me feel like I had a release. Sarah did say that her only problem was Tom and I being in love, which is a HUGE problem!
She wants to be with me, she just doesn't want Tom and I to love one another...I have no clue where this is going. Like always she said she would think about it, and have more ideas about where she wants things to go at some later date. She just never follows through with this claim. The biggest challenge is conveying an emotionally detached, and non-judgemental frame of mind with her, because on the one hand I know she is sensitive and I don't want to be emotionally manipulative, but on the other hand I am flat out hurt by her not wanting us to be in love, and not taking any time out of the last 8 months to be ok with it.