I recognize that it may be hard to talk about, and of course you don't have to... but you *are* anonymous here, so don't be too hesitant to give us more details as to things like what exactly needed changing that wasn't getting changed in your marriage previously.
Sometimes you may not think something is particularly relevant but now and then other posters will make connections that may not have occurred to you but that might be helpful for you. We don't need a novel but it can help to have the full story.
The major players. Me, under-30 bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 3+ years. Clay, new boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/"it's complicated."
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy, Clay's partner.