I've been married for just shy of 9 years. I am a completely monogamous guy. We've had some issues, and I thought we were working through them. As we've been somewhat distant, my wife started writing and editing erotica, and her interests have changed. She has been working with an author on a story, and in the last few weeks, a friendship developed.
Said friendship has developed into MUCH more. Monday night, she asked if I'd be open to the idea of her having cybersex with this man. I said I needed to think about it. The next morning, in the heat of discussion, I asked if she wanted it to become a physical thing. She said yes. At that point, she asked if she could pursue a sexual relationship with him.
I began the battle of dealing with this. As we have continued discussions, she has told me that our relationship was broken, and she sees this as a way to potentially save our relationship. Otherwise, she is done. By Wednesday night, we had come to a preliminary arrangement (depending on whether I can handle this at all) of her seeing him to fulfill her newly found D&S needs.
Saturday night, she informed me that their friendship had now grown to the point that she wanted to pursue an actual relationship with him, while keeping and working on our relationship.
She has been completely open, honest, and supportive in all this. I get that the root cause of unhappiness is my fault, but I never expected this to happen. I've always known that she was the kind of person open to this type of situation, as she has known that I am completely hard-wired against it.
The last few days has had many hours of discussions, though I am still completely unsure of what I should do. I love her to the point that contrary to my beliefs, I am considering it. But I need some outside perspective and guidance. I have done lots of reading, and am well aware that everything screams to not go along with this, as it is doomed to fail for MANY reasons. But at the same token, I don't know that I'm ready to let go. Is the possibility that it might work better than saying goodbye now ans starting the healing process?