Originally Posted by SourGirl
Care to explain this part ? You and Tom broke boundaries at some point early on ?
It takes people a long time to regain trust, when boundaries are broke in crucial stages.
This is the part that hit me. And I will admit right now, honesty and trust are big-ticket items for me personally, so take this with a grain of salt.
For me, personally... if I was with someone who, with my husband, broke boundaries we had established-- there would need to be a lot of work afterward in order to regain trust. For *me*... I understand people fuck up. But when you fuck up you admit you fucked up, you apologize for fucking up and then you ask what it takes to regain that trust and do it. I see way too many people who break someone's trust and then don't understand why the relationship has changed and people and things don't work as they did before.
And for *me*... once that trust is broken, I would WANT to forgive, but unless the other person is expressing apologies for breaking my trust and wanting to know how to fix it-- it wouldn't happen.
I did go back and reread the other thread. I think the two of you (you and Tom) have been abusing her trust. Sorry, that's how I feel. You spend 5 nights together--just because you CAN? And you broke her trust and basically cheated behind her back... cuz you couldn't help yourselves? Nice.
She may not know you cheated, or have proof, but my guess is she has a feeling about it and that's what is keeping her from fully engaging in this relationship. Match that with Tom's past of cheating and lying to her-- and you wonder why she doesn't jump at your texts at feeling left out?
I'm just not getting how this is an honest relationship in any way...