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Old 10-27-2009, 12:23 PM
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nikkiana nikkiana is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 164

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Gee, I don't know how to answer your question. I enjoyed reading your post though.

The whole issue seemed to me more like, "How do you handle it when your husband and your boyfriend don't like each other?"

Do different people who are involved with the same mutual partner HAVE to like each other in order for it to work (presuming that there is respect all around)?
Yeah, I think that's a very applicable question to my situation.

I tend to be of the opinion at the moment that the two partners in a vee don't necessarily need to get along, but I do think that it's helpful... but it also depends upon the people involved... I know that in my case, if my metamours get along, typically there's a lot less resentment floating about.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Seriously hoping this question doesn't offend and really this is not my business.

Niikkiana, I am curious as to what is the thing that keeps you and your husband together?

The issue of communication has little to do with someone being monogamous. I'd say your best bet is just to swallow hard, sit your friend down and just tell him how it is. I almost think he might have a hope of being your "primary" partner from the sounds of it.

Take care
It's a good question and one that I've thought about a lot, but I'm also not entirely sure of the answer... other than to say that I feel like I need to give things with Husband more time to see if they straighten out. Moving to NYC is a really stressful undertaking and a huge culture shock, it's enough to throw anyone off balance for awhile... I want to be sensitive to the fact that he's still settling in and going through his own problems... and I guess that spurs on other questions, like... How long should I be in this holding pattern of waiting till he gets his act together before I give up?

That's true.. the issue of communication doesn't have a whole lot to do with someone being monogamous and someone being polyamorous. I'm not entirely sure what I was trying to get at by saying that... other than maybe I'm afraid to talk to him because I'm a little fearing of judgement.

I don't think there's a lot of hope of JD ever becoming my primary. He's fairly clear on what he wants, a closed monogamous relationship... and the fact that I'm married puts me out of the running for that, and even if I were suddenly to become single, I'm not entirely sure I could settle down into a monogamous relationship anyway.
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