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Old 09-11-2011, 12:21 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Default three things on my mind

1) The other day, Davis told me I was being clingy. Not that *I* was clingy, in an insulting way, but that I was "being" clingy in a "your behavior right now is bugging me" way. Urgh. I don't think of myself as this sort of person, I hope it's temporary. He also admitted that it might just be him. I hate the idea of having to hold myself back from both Gia AND him... but it's not fair to put my issues with my relationship with Gia on him by expecting him to be some sort of perfect counterbalance.

2) There's this chick Liza. She's in our age group, has a lot in common with both Gia and Eric, and she's a MILF. She was a doula at Gia's birth, actually, though that's not how they all met. G ans E have been spending a lot of time with her lately... they brought her out dancing with some other friends last week when I was out of town and they've been to her house twice in the last few weeks.

When was the last time they came to *my* house??

I get it, I do. She has four kids, it's hard for her to get out, they sympathize and want to encourage her to be social. They like having a friend who knows a lot about kids. And it's a big deal for them to make a new close friend, they don't make friends quickly.

So why am I so jealous??? Eric tagged her in a facebook post the other day and I actually thought to myself "UGH, I hate her" which is ridiculous, I don't even know her! I've had multiple other casual partners in the last year, how dare I be jealous of someone they *might* be attracted to, and who they have lots of good reasons to be spending time with?

My biggest silly, irrational fear is that they do like her and Gia will feel more comfortable with her than with me because there's no history or meaning or heaviness, just fun, so sexy times will happen with her while I'm still patiently waiting for that to re-enter our relationship. I'm sure it won't happen, but I don't know if I could handle it if it did.

Maybe I should just ask if they like-like her... but if I did would my jealousy be obvious and weird them out? Maybe I should just ask about meeting her sometime.

Bleh. I've been jealous of a couple of Eric's female friends before but it's never been quite like this.

3) Davis runs a roleplaying game for some of our friends. Both Jay (Davis's bff, who I had a flirty dream about, mentioned in an entry a couple of pages back) and I are in the game. At last night's game Jay and I were sorta jokingly flirting for a minute... in real life this time!... and there was just sorta a lot of eye contact between us, noticeably more than usual. Surprising!!!

I *know* that nothing will happen... like I told Jay in the dream there are several very good reasons for that, not least of which is Jay's gf Bonnie (they're mono)... but the fact that it's technically possible that something *could* happen at some point without it ruining our lives makes it sooo hot to think about...

Again, thanks, poly!
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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