My first inkling was with my very first boyfriend, at 16. I loved him very much. But after six months of dating, I suddenly got this unexplained, unmistakable sense of panic about being with him. I felt trapped and suffocated. I took space from him and missed him so much. But, being with him felt so restrictive.
While on vacation, away from him, I met a bunch of cute guys and considered going out and partying with them. I didn't though, and had trouble coming to terms with my excitement about the prospect because I was such a loyal, loving girlfriend.
That dynamic returned for every relationship I had afterwards and I dreaded it. I thought there was something wrong with me, I thought I just had to work on my character. I didn't know what...