Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion
One of the things I gleaned a while back from the Ethical Slut was the idea of scripts. The way behaviors that we all know by rote from society, media, etc. The ones that tell us what we're supposed to do with a given situation.
Yes, I believe the psychological concept of scripts comes from Adler back in the late 20s/early 30s.
Whether we call it scripts, tapes, default programming, etc. (depending on the school of thought), I think it's something we all should be aware of because we humans are such creatures of habit. When we realize we've survived a sticky situation, we associate it with something we did and then turn that into a successful tactic in our minds, which we then put into our inner arsenal and automatically use it for other situations that make us uncomfortable, even if the response isn't appropriate to the new situation. It does sound like this was just one of those automatic responses in him, since he did say he felt embarrassed about being "caught." Good for you for not freaking out and just having a conversation with him about it.
But I would think that if he was so trepidatious about signing up, why wouldn't he have talked to you about it beforehand? Maybe that's what you might suggest - that instead of doing something secretly out of embarrassment, he feel free to talk about it beforehand so it won't have that kind of impact.