Originally Posted by schtuff
i think maybe a sit down is in order, for a good talk about open communication and foreknowledge of activities planned or hoped for. let him know how it makes you feel, and that you are needing a change in that behavior.
Thank you. I appreciate the way you worded that, it helped me better phrase what I wanted. The only reason I posted is that I know how I am about lies. I can be...over the top mad if I find out someone is lying...even about the smallest things. I'll give a chance to come clean, but if you don't...I get beyond mad...So, sometimes I can't tell if I'm being rational or not.
That "history" is actually from more than a decade ago...when he first realized that he was also poly, although we didn't know the term. He actually broke up with me that time because he was so confused. For some reason, he could deal with me being in love with two men at the same time...but couldn't figure out how he could be in love with two women at the same time. *laughs*
Anyway, It's been a long time. I won't say he never lies, but he hasn't lied about his other relationships or wanting them for forever (although he hasn't had many). I just couldn't understand why he did this time.
After I read your post, I took a deep breath and we talked. He said he would delete his profile, which I think is a ridiculous solution, since I never had a problem with him making it in the first place...just the sneaking and lying...and I reminded him that I do not like finding things out from other people, I'd rather find out from him. He admitted to being embarrassed about the whole thing. It was his first time signing up for an online dating/meetup type site, and he said he knew men don't have as much of a chance... He also was embarrassed that he even felt he needed to look on a website. (FYI,He does not belong to any sites except for FB and LinkedIn.) I don't belong to any dating sites, but that doesn't mean I have a problem with him belonging to one. He said that he signed on because he's tired of girls who can't understand that he wants them to meet me if he's going to go out with them more than a couple times. lol He even added a picture of us together to his profile. *shrugs* Anyway, I feel like I ran a marathon. Anyway, cross your fingers. I don't want to feel like I can't trust him. Hopefully, this will nip it in the bud.