So L and S and I were all on the march to Madrid. I was growing closer to S and more peeved by L. And then I dropped out - temporarily - to tend to other matters back home...
When I caught up with the march again, 3 weeks or so later, S seemed to be avoiding me. I had in the meantime decided (for reasons that have something to do with ESP) that I was no longer interested in a sexual relationship with her [the "necessary magic" just wasn't there], but wanted a close, warm friendship with her. I was willing to turn her down gently if she did put the move on me, but not expecting her to do so...
What I ALSO wasn't expecting was her apparent loss of ANY interest in me. In fact, she seemed to be avoiding me. The only exceptions were when she had somebody else to introduce to me. It seemed to me that she was both using these people as a buffer to avoid any possible intimacy (of a platonic - or any other - kind) with me AND pretending to her friend (the one that she was introducing to me) that I was a great guy and that things were just hunky dory between us.
When I've reached the level of intimacy and affection that I had with her on the first phase of the march and then find that she's acting in this superficial way with me now, well: it's a bit of a blow.
Oh, yes, and I noticed that she and L were spending a LOT of time together. MUCH more than they had before.
Since returning from Madrid, it's become obvious that they're in a sexual relationship.
[Got to go! To be continued (next week)...]
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellenceThe person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverbAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais NinI'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.