View Single Post
  #7  
Old 09-09-2011, 02:59 PM
LoveEvolved LoveEvolved is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 6
Post

After reading your post I re-read my OP and can see that I didn't do a very good job of explaining myself. so let me try to clarify

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
And relationships naturally develop in different ways at different times and at different rates... how then could things be perfectly equal right off the bat, even with three people who've all just met?
Its true relationships develop at different times and rates, but i guess I'm looking at this situation as just one singular relationship only with 3 people. And it would be equal in the sense that if 3 people all just met and got to know and develop feelings for each other it would all be from level ground as opposed to a couple adding a third. I don't mean equal in the sense that every single aspect of the relationship or like/dislike has to be exactly the same for all 3 people. For example, there are successful mono relation ships where each person has a different view on politics or different religion, etc.. but they still love each other and have enough in common to want to be together. so in a triad say M and F1 have same religion while F2 different, so M and F1 feel a little bit closer on that topic. while F1 and F2 have similar political views and M different so the FF's are a little closer on that topic, and M and F2 have same career field, so they're closer on that while MFF all have same exact taste in music... As long as you all feel an attraction for each other and have the desire to be together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
We see so many stories here from hetero couples who are confused as to why things didn't work out with their third, and from thirds who've been badly burned by couples. It begins to become cliche.
that is exactly why I asked in my OP about triads who all started dating together from the beginning...like what i was talking about above. Could that provide a stronger foundation for a singular relationship between 3 people? I'm new to all this so maybe i'm way off base, but it seems to me from the limited experiences i have heard of, that most people in triads are thinking of them selves as 2+1 or 1+2 more so than a singular relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
rules that have been set in place with equality in mind (everything should be done together, no outside partners, etcetc) leave one or more of the people involved unfulfilled and unhappy.
I'm not saying everything has to be done together but rather, neither member of group should purposely exclude another. like in the example above M and F1 have same religion and F2 different, it shouldn't be that M and F1 tell F2 she's not welcome to go to church with them, but if F2 in fact doesn't go with them because she's just not into that religion (not because she's unwelcome) that should be okay with all 3 of them. Of course there are things like having time with platonic friends without significant other(s) involved which i wouldn't really consider "exclusion" but rather a healthy part of any relationship mono/poly/straight/gay/wuteva.

For my ideal situation at least i wouldn't want any outsiders unless MFF all agreed on it, in which case they wouldn't really be an outsider anymore but a new member (semantics?) As I've already stated I view such a 3 person relationship as a singular relationship and in that case an outsider would create a divide and it would no longer be singular but broken into 2 and I would like a singular relationship. For me personally the most selfless i could ever be is when i'm in love with someone because whatever i have, and anything good i want for my self i want for my significant other. So for example if i was in relationship and my significant other(s) been together long enough to reach a complete level of love and trust and our relationship had progressed to the point of us living together, then suddenly things in my professional life really start to take off and the dough is rolling in, so i buy a really big, nice house even though said house would legally be mine alone as far as i was concerned i would be buying a house for us and it would be our home. Maybe thats not the best example because a significant other is not an object or a possession but the same basic principles are at play. Thats one reason why a triad is so appealing to me. If there is a love between myself and F1 than I want that love to belong to F2 just as much as myself and vice versa. If everyone involved felt the same way, then i don't really see that situation lending itself to outsiders, separate relationships, or primary/secondary classes.

and the last reason i wouldn't want an outsider has to do with sex. when i really love someone and have been with them long enough to fully trust them then i love to have raw sex (no condoms). IMO it really is the best.
Reply With Quote