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Old 09-09-2011, 04:31 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Hey, Love.

There's nothing wrong with what you want. I myself started out with an FMF triad as my sexual/relational ideal. And I might even find myself in one some day, who knows. The thing is, with time and experience you begin to realize that creating a strong, healthy and balanced dynamic with two people is hard enough, with three it's exponentially hard! And relationships naturally develop in different ways at different times and at different rates... how then could things be perfectly equal right off the bat, even with three people who've all just met?

What you've described... a perfectly equal love and desire between two women and a man, no jealousy, no need and desire for outside partners... is, a very common desire and, if you set out determined that you'll accept that and nothing else, potentially a recipe for a lot of sadness and pain. We see so many stories here from hetero couples who are confused as to why things didn't work out with their third, and from thirds who've been badly burned by couples. It begins to become cliche. The problem is that people set their ideal above everything else, and refuse to see/accept the myriad reasons why it may not be appropriate for the particular people involved. The most common problem seems to be that the love and/or desire is NOT perfectly equal, and rules that have been set in place with equality in mind (everything should be done together, no outside partners, etcetc) leave one or more of the people involved unfulfilled and unhappy.

All that certainly doesn't mean that a triad can't happen for you, but if you try and force the relationships that come into your life into that mold, you'll end up hurting yourself and your partners. Instead, take life and love as they come to you, be open and honest about your desires, and read both the stories here and the essays at to gain some very, very important realism and perspective.

Good luck!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 09-09-2011 at 04:45 AM.
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