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Old 09-09-2011, 02:57 AM
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justlost justlost is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rocky Mtn. Front Range
Posts: 38
Default rant warning

we are all 3 together with our families pretty much every weekend, when we are not at Pixie's she is over here with us, we set up a guest room and we are all pretty comfortable. Actually its a little easier for me when the three of us are together.
Mostly though I just feel this consuming rage and sadness right now. I don't want to f**king share my husband, my future, my family... I'm sorry that I am not all the things that he thought I was and thought he wanted. He isn't all he thought he was and wanted for himself either. And I get that he is trying to find happiness in a way that will allow our relationship to continue....
taking myself out of it... I am happy for him, I see how having many loves is good for him and fits him and all that... I just don't want it in my damn life, I want one life, one love, one future.. I want to be a priority in my partner's life not a product of a balancing act...
and yes, I expected him to 'share' me with my kids these last 13 years, I expected him to share and to accept and more to be Happy with it.. and no I don't have the words to explain but it is NOT the same..

I don't understand how to even say anything anymore... I want out so desperately .... and I don't want to lose him and I don't want to lose US either...

I really really really really wish I could just disappear from my own f**king life.
Dance in the rain...
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