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Old 09-08-2011, 11:38 PM
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Kealoha Kealoha is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 47
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How important is self esteem in the creation of healthy, loving relationships?

I believe it is crucial in any relationship, and for life in general. I've missed out on so much due to lack of self-esteem and fear. I agree with Red Pepper that "healthy relationships are also essential in building self-esteem." The people you love...the people you care about can have such an impact on your self-worth, simply because you care how they feel about things. I was amazed when I finally realized how much I was hurting my husband with my depression. Of course, when I was having one of my "moments" as my grandmother called it, I was focused on my pain...and not anything else.

How is self esteem furthered where it is insufficient?

I'm still working on this, but I've found in the past year that I simply need to distract myself from myself. I get up off my butt and get busy. (If I don't, I end up curled in a pathetic ball in a dark room.) Find something to do, someone to talk to. Find something to focus on beside my pain. Exercise has helped a lot...getting out and walking, walking, walking or dancing like crazy. Drawing or painting doesn't help me, but pounding some clay or carving some wood does. My 3 yr. old helped me discover this recently. Also, being around positive people helps.

On a scale of 0 -10, with 0 being the least and 10 being the most of healty self esteem, where is your average placement on the scale over the last year?

*laughs* My self-esteem has fluctuated like crazy since I remember. Last year, I had to leave my job because it was costing more to be there then to be at home with my kids. My self-esteem went straight to zero. I felt like such a failure, even though I hated my corporate job! It's finally going up. It never went past 5 or six before, but I find that recently it has gotten back to that point and still climbing.

Has your placement on that scale changed in recent time?
Drastically...

If yes, why/how do you think it has changed?

Having a sunny 3 yr old and some great friends with positive attitudes and unique perspectives has made a world of difference. Having friends that are willing to listen to me is a miracle! Being able to talk about my childhood and trying to see things in a new light. Learning how to love and for once, not feel guilty about loving (for the record, my husband has never made me feel guilty about loving anyone else), not feel guilty about enjoying my time with my child...

Last edited by Kealoha; 09-08-2011 at 11:39 PM. Reason: lol accidentally bolded everything...
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