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Old 09-08-2011, 11:17 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sealace View Post
I asked him what he was looking for and what he and his wife's emotional boundaries were. Hopefully those questions weren't too intense but he doesn't seem to mind talking about poly stuff.
Well, if anyone wants to get involved in poly, they should be willing to talk about it, and you should never feel hesitant to ask questions about how his other relationships will affect you. I would feel weird if someone was against talking about it - that would be a bad sign.

One thing I wanted to say regarding this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by sealace View Post
. . . he said he'd rather see someone regularly then see many people all the time. That made me feel a little better, since I want to see him regularly . . . another concern is -- what if new guy only wants sex? That's not all I'm looking for. I am concerned I'd be emotionally involved and he'd only be sexually involved, then I'd get hurt.
Again, you shouldn't worry about asking him this stuff. There's nothing wrong with asking, "Are you looking for something casual and primarily sexual?" Now, you don't have to say you only want love because that sounds corny and relationships have to start somewhere, but you can say that you don't want just a sexual arrangement and are looking to build a relationship on more than that. Putting it that way could open the door for a conversation that really allows you to say what you want in relationships.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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