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Old 09-08-2011, 09:11 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
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How many of you think being poly or mono is an orientation, and how many think it's a philosophy/belief system? Why or why not?

This topic REALLY interests me, and I myself was going to post something very similar to River's original post.

I am struggling with this very question. I have spent years coming to the realization that I am non-monogamous. Now I am trying to figure out whether my non-monogamy is based on my belief system or on my inherent nature.

Maybe the distinction isn't important, but somehow it feels like it is. I am still in the phase where I need to explain this to myself (let alone other people!) and understand more about it.

I'm definitely leaning toward the philosophy/belief system side.

I've been surprised and somewhat puzzled that most poly people seem to accept (or believe) that some people are mono and others are poly, and that it's an orientation (like being gay).

This view doesn't really make sense to me. Someone who believes they are mono could suddenly fall in love with two people, right? I think all humans have the capacity to be polyamorous (although anyone may also choose to be monogamous, of course).

But maybe I'm wrong. There are so many mono/poly relationships out there, and the idea that each person is oriented toward either mono or poly seems to work for them.

But on the other hand, it seems to me that when a mono person and a poly person have a relationship, the issue really is philosophical: the mono person must accept a polyamorous belief system for the relationship to work, even if she/he has no interest more than one partner.

I guess for me personally the question seems to be: do I accept that I'm inherently different from most people (different from monogamous people, that is), or do I spread the word about my belief system?

Maybe it's not an either-or situation. One of the issues I am dealing with is that I have a lot of anger at the mono-centric culture around me--which is something I have to move past.
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Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.

Last edited by redpepper; 09-12-2011 at 06:33 AM.
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