Originally Posted by DancingNancy
As I am the first newcomer into their longterm relationship... What do you think the odds are that even they don't know it's unrealistic?? Innocent ignorance? I'd be in the same boat if I wasn't compulsive about educating myself about everything.
I would say you're probably right that they don't know how unrealistic they're being... and the previous posters are all 1,000% correct, they're being extremely, dangerously unrealistic. Stick to your guns on this one. If they're too afraid to let you get to know them one on one, then they're too afraid for this to work out. Group time is great, but a certain degree of intimacy ONLY happens one on one. Real, deep loving human relationships need that dynamic.
Tell them to read what we've all said here, tell them to read other related threads on this site, tell them to read xeromag or any other poly resource out there. If they aren't willing to treat you like an individual with whom they're each having a relationship, let them go. Tell them they can call you when they're ready to reconsider.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.