Just read your post NYC. Nail on head. I'm scared of him. Always have been. We were in therapy for awhile and we were working towards sorting that out, but our lovely counselor retired.
My first marriage was to a pathological liar/sociopath. I was terrified of him. He used to say, "Why? I never hit you." My mother said, "He never HAD to." I was way scared of rocking the boat with him.
Sundance has a TEMPER. He's never hit me, and I sincerely doubt he ever would. But his anger scares the holy hell out of me. He says I overreact to his anger, that it is MY problem, not his. I am still very confused about this. But I have seen his anger make him do and say some rash and hurtful things.
The idea of actually stepping over his head and contacting Barbie on my own???? I would never do that. He'd be fucking furious!!!