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Old 09-07-2011, 06:28 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,266

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
For some reason, we seemed to think that just because one of our hearts (mine) opened for someone new (and as a lovely consequence, my husband's heart opened for him, too), my husband needed to find someone new, too.

After reading Z's post, I'm realizing that maybe it's ok to say, "I am most comfortable living in a MFM V relationship. Forcing it into an N is not going so well, and it's ok to admit that just because I could be ok with it eventually, I may not WANT to. I lost sight lately of the freedom gained from living an honest, authentic, life, one of the things I've really embraced in poly. Am I a hypocrite for saying, "It's ok for me to love two, but YOU have to love only ME" -- ? What about, "I am not comfortable with you having casual sex with others, even if I am having sex with two men, because I am committed to our V and I would like you to be, too" -- ? Which brings me back to a more general discussion (and I apologize for getting off on a personal tangent)...

Polyamory is about loving more than one, not just having sex with more than one. Right?
Carma, for lots of people, sex happens before love, in the more casual stages of a relationship. We can't expect everyone else to fall in love instantly and only pursue sex after that happens. In your case, it's the dishonesty that is mucking things up, not the sex, but that's been addressed in other threads of yours.
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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