View Single Post
Old 09-07-2011, 05:01 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,555

Originally Posted by sbibbers View Post
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, Magdlyn. I feel lucky that there's a person here who can relate.
I am always glad to talk to another partner of a transperson as well! There is not much support for us out there. All the support goes to the transppl themselves, with some little support to their parents or children, very little to their actual lovers who are most intimate with them!

I've noticed that loving a trans-person is very hard. And I'm so thankful that you know what you're talking about, I'm the opposite of a lustful person so the day when he starts taking T seems kind of scary to me.
Hehe, its kind of the opposite with us. Since I no longer produce much estrogen, my hormonal state seems to be like that of a 18 year old boy. miss pixi's sex drive is erratic. She is pre-op and very ambivalent about her genitals. Plus her emotions and (lack of) self esteem get in the way.

But if you are not a strongly sexual person, there might be a disconnect there when his T shots start kicking in... are you prepared for that?

He's very tired and apathetic at this moment of his life and I really want him to get the body he deserves, and having his hormones settled down will do him a world of awesome. I have some other trans friends and seeing the change in them is also pretty cool.
Oh, so he's not actually on T yet. Is he in therapy? When does he think he'll start T?

He is uncertain whether or not he will be interested in poly. (Isn't it obvious that he will if he's already preparing me for his possible poly-relationships? He keeps saying that nothing is certain yet but for me it's obvious that he can't just say this stuff and then just not do it, there's a reason why it has been brought up) It's just that he doesn't want to have sex un-emotionally, he must have a love behind it. He feels that having sex with someone and then just dumping them is wrong. In my burst of selfishness and panic told him that does he really have to get involved emotionally with someone else, and he didn't understand my point. The emotional part feels more like hurtful for me than any sort of emotionless sex would.
As you read the board here, you'll see that. Some people are more threatened by the sex, others by the emotions involved.

This is actually not a poly-related thing, but one of my other issues is wondering whether or not he will be completely gay after taking T. He has been wondering about it himself, because he has heard of a lot of his friends turning super-gay after taking shots. I'm really scared that he will stop being sexually attracted to me entirely and will have to go for other people for sex, and just be with me romantically. That would really break my heart, but it's another issue I just have to work out. It's really just another concern I have, and I've planned having a talk with this other cis-girl who dates a trans-guy.
Odd. Because some transwomen who were formerly into women (or both) go for guys only after transition... what is it about the allure of the almighty phallus? This has not been our case. miss pixi is as firmly pansexual now as she was before starting full time hormones. Of course, I've got a strong male side... maybe that helps? (I'm not butch, I am at most, a soft butch, but usually just look like a regular women... not real femme, just kind of womanly. I don't usually wear makeup and never wear heels.)

It does feel really hard. I have this strain above me all the time that does not let go, I'm worried what happens in a few years and even he can't answer all of my questions, he can't be sure what happens after he starts taking shots. It feels painful being uncertain about the future.

I feel that we are both a bit naive. I'm the worse one, because I'm so romantic and simple in a way. It might be our downfall because we can't have what we want because the world doesn't work that way. I'm feeling really desperate because I can see a future with him but it just might not work if we have such different views of the world and can't understand eachother.

I definitely need some time. And more self-confidence. I feel really shitty acting like this about this ordeal, it's making him angry and sad because of course he is frustrated that I can't just stop crying and understand this and just wait what will happen in a few years. I know the only choice is just keep dating until he starts taking T and then see where it takes both of us. I'm just scared it's something I can't handle, and it will be even worse in the future. I just.. really, REALLY don't want to break up with him over something that hasn't even happened yet. But the day when he would come home and tell me that he's in love with someone else feels like a fist over my heart so bad that I'm so, so scared.

Thank you again magdlyn for writing me things. It provoked some thoughts. I have a really pessimistic view over this issue after reading these forums, I feel more and more like there's no way for me to handle this because I really can't relate to anything poly, it feels impossible. I have a bad habit of slipping into desperation though, I don't know what I need right now. But thank you.
Keep pouring it out to process. Yes, you do seem naive, but if you keep at it, you'll do nothing but grow and become more enlightened about gender issues and poly eventually.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
Reply With Quote