Hi sbibbers, welcome to the forum. I am sorry you feel afraid to share your all too common poly fears with your real life poly friends. I hope the anonymity here works for you for now.
I especially wanted to post because I am a cis-gendered, genderqueer, pansexual poly woman in a long term relationship with a transwoman (who is pansexual and poly as well). We've been together a bit over 2 1/2 years now. She fully came out as trans and started full time hormones (from a dr) and psychological counseling just 3 months before we met. (She was 33, and I was 53 when we met.) (Coincidentally, 3 months before she and I met, I split with my straight husband after being together over 30 years... long story...)
Let me just address the issues surrounding loving a transperson. It ain't easy! People in the early part of transition are like adolescents in many ways. My gf, miss pixi, can seem like a 12 year old some days, and her actual age other days.
Together, we've been to several conferences related to gender transitions. It seems the partners of transmen have it even harder than I do with my tgirl. Testosterone is so overwhelming. I have heard transmen say that it makes the them *really* focused on strong sexual feelings. Some of the tmen even say testosterone (T) makes it hard for them to think of anything besides sex, especially right after a shot.
So, perhaps that is part of your guy's issues. He is feeling randy, and his sex drive, his happy lust, is extending out into the entire world, not just reserved for you.
I see a bit of naivete in him saying he wants other love relationships, but telling you of course he'd never love anyone else as much as he loves you. Love grows at its own rate. Of course he might love another as much as he loves you, but in a different way, as a parent loves her children equally. In poly, this is accepted and embraced and celebrated. More love=more happiness for all parties involved.
I hear you saying you wish things could go back to a mono arrangement with you and your guy. Nostalgia is a bitch. Future uncertainty is super difficult to deal with.
Know that jealousy can be worked on and eventually translated into compersion. It was a trusting loving act for your guy to come clean to you about his poly feelings. Loving him through his gender transition and poly transition is your lot now. Is he worth it? Only you can determine that.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
Last edited by Magdlyn; 09-07-2011 at 01:31 PM.