I have to second AnnabelMore - I had read some other threads you were talking about this on, and time after time after time, people asked you straight out why you didn't insist on him being honest with her/meeting her.
For lots of people this is a dealbreaker in poly relationships, to have their partner being dishonest with others. You ignored the question each time it was brought up.
Really, things will change for the better or worse once he is honest, any of this other crap you're worrying about is pretty much irrelevant until you know how she will react.
Is there some reason you aren't laying down the "I need to meet her, I need to know she knows the truth and everybody is on the same page" card? Considering she might run the fuck away once she meets you, I'd think this would be what you want. I'd really like to know why you don't insist on meeting her, who cares what she looks like. I think you guys really could use more work on boundaries.
Sure it sounds like he and her have a really fucked up unilateral relationship where it's true love for her and who knows what for him. He stands outside the house with her peering into the windows so she can see what his home life looks like? Sure if he meets somebody who isn't clingy and thinks she is going to steal him away from his wife and is brought into an honest open scenario, you will need to probably suck it up and support it, but this sure doesn't seem like a smart or healthy "relationship" for anybody, especially Barbie, whom I pity greatly.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 09-07-2011 at 12:01 AM.