Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
What an exciting experiment this thing called life is.
Absolutely!! And yes it is too bad so many people are so dead set on living it "right"!
I would say both that I've attracted these unsure, frightened men, but also, for various reasons, also created a unsafe, frightening atmosphere once things turned south. I have mostly dealt with it, but used to get quite angry towards men who did not have everything all figured out.
Psychological problems have varied anywhere from ADD, (he would smother me one week and then literally hate me then next. I ended it when he said, "I HATE YOU!" because I accidentally found out about a surprise party he was throwing for my birthday).
....to alcoholic, verbally abusive and lying
....to Post-Traumatic Stress, (he would literally sit in the corner and make very scary, aggressive faces, couldn't form complete sentences or do much of anything to take care of himself)
....to psychologically manipulative, (he would label my actions with very elaborately, eloquently formulated psychobabble, which had very, very little to do with me)
I appreciate your experience with ADD.
I have been diagnosed and un-diagnosed as Bipolar. (The background being that I have a chemical injury and MCS, which severely affected my health and the doctors slapped a mental illness on me. After ten years of unnecessary meds, I was reevaluated last year and taken off of everything. I'm clearly not mentally ill. This, I'm sure, is also a large part of why I've attracted mentally ill partners. I believed there was something wrong with me when there clearly is not.)
I tend to flip flop between "needing" sex 2-4 times a day physically, to being uninterested in even getting a hug for weeks and repeat. Not very "user friendly" for anyone who cares for me.
I can understand how powerless and frustrated this must leave you and your partners. I've experienced similar patterns and I'm beginning to believe it's a result of squishing myself into a box and having parts of me ooze out the sides.
When I need space and time to come back to myself, I tend to get cold. When I'm feeling insecure about my own poly tendencies and denial of them, it has manifested as neediness, (ironically). Definitely "extremes".
I'd love to hear more about your situation and see if there are better answers for you in your life!
Thank you! This discussion is really helping me be more honest and hopefully more healthy in the future!
La vita es bella!