Omg....this has already been seriously useful..... thank you all so much for the thoughts and the sharing....and the terminology actually has helped me to set some conceptual boundaries that seem a bit more fitting for moving forward.
I especialy appreciate some of the longer term concepts of time frame in establishing this new dynamic. My bf and I are both very passionate emotional beings and there is a definite danger in feeling an overwhelming need to to sort this all out and satisfy everyone right from the getgo.... the idea of being in a secondary role while witnessing their relationship and establishing functional boundaries and roles is very appealing.
I am very open to wherever this takes me..... west coast... foreign lands... the arms of more than one lover.... friend. life confidant. but the intensity of deciding all those potential future outcomes now.... while like Magdlyn said... I shoudl just be trying to get to know my new bf better.... and let some of the NRE energey subside (btw....how the hell long will that take...ha ha ha)