OK, thanks for answering. For the record, I am pansexual, a cisgendered but genderqueer woman in a poly "lesbian" relationship with a pansexual transwoman.
I was in a het marriage for 30 yrs but we split in '08. I've been with my gf for 2 1/2 years.
I am still getting used to being openly queer and partnered with a woman. I have met lots of women who ID as dykes or lesbians who are partnered with cisgendered men or transmen... they still ID as dyke even though most or all of their sex is with the opposite gender.
It's confusing. Your h IDs as gay even though most of his sex is with a woman! And all of his romantic loving feelings are with you. He just has casual sex with men.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37