THE MISSING PIECE OF THE PUZZLE
So, in the midst of all this chaos blows a sweet, soft, calming breeze. She arrived in our lives in the form of a long-time friend who we've known for years to be "poly friendly" but who was married at the time we met. She's now single and has never had biological children of her own, but has parented a number of children as part of an extended family. It hadn't dawned on me until AFTER she became a larger part of our lives, but she is IT
... the fabled "unicorn." LOL! Therefore I'll refer to her as "UC."
She and "DH" have met before on a number of occasions but never really talked much. I had always thought he was her "type" and that they'd be perfect together, but her sister (who was a close friend of mine) always assured me I was horribly mistaken.
Then DH and UC serendipitously ran into each other at the grocery store and struck up a conversation. They "friended" each other by looking through my FB friends list and started talking... and flirting!!! I was pleased and hopeful... waiting, ironically, for the other shoe to drop and for DH to pull a classic bonehead move to sabotage the budding relationship.
I honestly feel that this was the ultimate test for him and for our marriage. This wasn't some person he found on a poly-friendly website or message board. This was a true, trusted friend whom I already cared about and treasured. I had known her for years to be honest, open, sweet, caring and gentle. You could not ask for a sweeter, more tender soul in a person. Luckily for him, she also has a devious kinky streak in the bedroom! She's the perfect combination of angel and devil. I already cared about her and her entire extended family. If he hurt her... there's no way I'd be able to forgive him.
I'm happy to say that he kept both of his shoes on! His shining moment came when his 1st love (I'll call her "Red") returned for another visit, this time while I was out of town. She had made it clear she still loved him and had asked me the first time around about what he and I were looking for in a poly partner. On the surface she'd said she was committed to her marriage and only looking for friendship, but it was obvious she was contemplating other options as well. DH and UC had just started fostering their romance and it was obvious that Red felt threatened by it.
Red made a fatal error at that point. She started telling UC that DH had said things about her he hadn't said. I believe she even started making comments to DH about UC. It doesn't matter; the bottom line is Red tried her damnest to manipulate DH and get between him and UC... all the while telling me she thought UC was the sweetest, most wonderful person she'd ever met.
When he found out about the "game" Red was playing, DH hit the roof. He stayed calm, but didn't pull ANY punches. He called Red on her bullshit, let her know it was completely unacceptable to him, ended their friendship *immediately* and told her she was no longer welcome in our home. She back pedaled and apologized profusely, but it was too late for her. He asked her to leave, waited for her to pack her stuff and drove Red to her friend's house to finish out her stay. I must say, I was SO proud of him I can't even describe it!
So, DH and UC are still going strong. She lives with us and has a calming, balancing effect on our lives. Our biggest obstacle at the moment is the fact that our King sized bed isn't big enough for 3 to sleep through the night comfortably.