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Old 09-05-2011, 12:51 PM
trueRiver trueRiver is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Manchester, England & Tain, Scotland
Posts: 85

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I have some questions: If you had two girlfriends, how would you handle it if they both became pregnant? What if one of them was married?
Firstly, I'd be delighted. I'd spend time with both kids, sometimes both together, sometimes apart. I'd *want* to be contributing around 50% of the childcare for each child.

Secondly, what would I expect? In an ideal world, do you mean? Or in our current disfunctional anti-poly world?

In an ideal world, I'd expect all fathers to have the right to share their children's upbringing, irrespective of who else the mother was in a relationship with. Fathers who refused to do so would (after a reasonable time) lose those rights, or need court process to retrieve the situation later. If there was an ongoing reasonably permanent polyfamily, then I'd expect all the polyparents to have rights too.

In our world, if I had another child with a married woman, I know what would happen, I have been there (thouigh not in a two pregancies at once scenario)

Secondary in a vee, planned pregnancy, when mum changes mind about my involvement in our child's regular care, and just limit me to a few houirs a week, I had no rights at all beyond those few hours. Because mum is married, husband has more rights than I do because that is the relationship the English state wants to encourage. He had "parental responsibility", I did not.

What kind of control could you expect to exert over that situation?
My question here is about what the parties negotiate to happen up front, what is reasonable to ask for, what is unreasonable. It is not about "control" or "ownership". I would, however, assume that everyone was negotiating in good faith, not just figuring that they can agree to anything becasue the law will not enforce it.

I am not sure what you meant by "control" - but I am not going to discuss this further with someone who just wants to tell me what they think I should want

All you can do is be prepared financially and legally to handle whatever occurs.
an accurate statement of English law.

I do not want to sidetrack my own thread any further here, but if you want to start a new thread to discuss whether that legal approach situation is right or just, I will likely join in.

I am not asking for legal advice here, but advice on the human, relationshippy side of the question.

I would like to think that I could trust fellow polys to keep to agreements that have been made. Maybe that is naive.... but I reckon there must be a better chance with polys than with the mainstream.

There are two Rivers here now: which one is this?

quaker poly experiences and poly: a quaker perspective

I hope other British Quakers who are poly (or wonder if they are) will contact me here, thanks, Friends.

Last edited by trueRiver; 09-05-2011 at 01:11 PM.
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