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Old 09-04-2011, 08:16 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,325

It absolutely is selfish to veto any and all activities with the other people forever, in reaction to uncomfortable feelings he has. The mature and unselfish thing to do would be to discuss exactly why he's bothered by it and see how they can make it work. I think there definitely is an issue here surrounding the fact that he was okay with fucking his wife and the other woman, but suddenly it's an issue when his wife is with another man and things go further than he thinks they should. Very telling. As I said earlier in the thread, I don't think he is upset about his wife being with a woman, it's about being with another man. He's simply being possessive. That the OP said "I have tried to be a better wife" really points to the number and guilt trip her husband is laying on her about this whole thing. He's reacting immaturely and blaming it all on her. No wonder she feels guilty.

Troubles, you have no reason to feel guilty or obsessed. And you shouldn't be afraid to talk about this with him. When my husband was upset about something, I used to sit him down and say, "We can't avoid this anymore. We have to talk about it until we get somewhere," and then we did.

He sounds like a bit of a dictator: "Now we will have sex with other people... now it is vetoed... you are untrustworthy... I don't want to talk about it." Sheesh, he's your husband and partner, not your boss. It sounds like you need to be strong and stand up for yourself.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 09-05-2011 at 12:15 AM.
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