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Old 09-04-2011, 10:20 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 5,794

Originally Posted by troubles View Post
So, my husband and I have been together for 12 years. We have always fantasized about having an open relationship, so much that we even have been actively searching for another couple to experiment with.
So, for 12 years he wanted this? I am not surprised you were then blindsided by his negative reaction when he and you actually tried it.

As luck would have it, a friend (female) of mine expressed interest. Her husband is cool with it, and we had a great time making out and fooling around. We involved both boys (on separate occasions). My husband was there the first time, hers the second.
So, after you and he and the woman had your threeway, he thought it was great. And he gave his blessing to you getting together next with the other couple. Then, all of a sudden, he wasn't so on board! This is jealousy and selfishness.

The second time, things went a bit further, and my husband felt hurt. I misunderstood what he had said (we all did)...
So, you and the other couple all understood him to be on board with the next step, did what you felt he was cool with, and then your dh pulled back.

and I should have communicated better with him. He has vetoed the whole relationship indefinitely.
Ultimatums are always jarring, and impractical. Jealousy can cause someone to reel in fright though, and close the barn door when the horse is already out.

I have apologized over and over (we all have). I have tried to be a better wife. Granted, it's only been a week, but each time we talk, he says he didn't realize he wanted only me, and wanted me to want only him.
Oh men! I think this is soooo common. Men get all excited, their cocks get hard, and then they actually have some sex, and then experience a period of disgust. "How could have wanted this? I feel like a pervert." This happens not just in poly situations, but in other areas as well. Once the semen is drained, they then change their mind.

I don't think it's mature of him to have fantasized about this very experience for 12 years (probably in great sexual detail), in tandem with you, and then you two find willing partners, and then, all of a sudden, he's pulling back. No wonder you were surprised.

Will time heal this? What else can I do? This is my first experience with a woman, and I like it a lot. He feels like he gets nothing out of the potential relationship.
Well, he did have a "great time" with his 2 women, but then you had a great time with a woman and a guy and suddenly, he realizes he's getting "nothing" out of it. Uh huh.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
In a newish relationship with Steve, (34, poly, my Top)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years
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