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Old 09-04-2011, 07:47 AM
Sodacan Sodacan is offline
New Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Just this side of the midwest.
Posts: 2
Question First attempt a bomb, what should I do?

My wife and I have dated on and off for about ten years know. Our Marriage resulted from two wonderful years of monogamous relations and we have practiced marital monogamy for a year now. My poly tendencies were never an issue before, I had only a few other relationships that were all strictly non sexual. My wife asked me out right one time if I loved one of these other women and I told her that I did, but not in the same capacity as I loved her. After some discussion we worked through it.

Before we were married my wife had confessed to me and unexplored bi-curious nature. We discussed all sorts of possibilities including a poly and sexual desire of mine to have a threesome. A nuclear poly family consisting of two women and myself. They would have a relationship as would I and each of them, and we could all live together as one. My wife (gf at the time) neither approved or disapproved of this. I decided to drop the issue since it had no bearing on our current situation.

Some time after our wedding we were entertaining friends at our house and as the crowd died out. We found ourselves alone with a female with whom I shared a close emotional relationship, my wife was aware and did not disapprove of the 'close friendship'. My wife had a habit of being openly flirtatious with women, and my close friend was flirting back. I didn't disapprove of this, as she was accepting of my close friendships.

Once we found that there were only the three of us my wife and my friend made a spontaneous move to the bedroom. I followed to watch and possibly get involved as we had already discussed. My wife and my friend had their fun and when I made an advance my wife gave me the sign that I was to watch only.

When we had discussed the possibilities of something like this happening we had come to the agreement that any non-monogamous act would be done with the other partner present and involved. However her first encounter with a woman could be just her, without me actually being involved.

When I brought it up to my wife the next morning that I would like to be a part of their next sexual encounter(which my friend was okay with, she was eager to be our third). My wife became quite upset. Insisting that it would never happen again, despite going on all that morning about what a wonderful time she had. She now insists that I drop my close friends and that we will never do anything like that again despite my efforts to try and talk she simply becomes enraged and screams at me before breaking down into tears and crying, saying all matter of things to male me feel guilty.

I feel betrayed really, as if she played my poly tendencies against me to get what she desired. She took her chance to be with another person, and even though I was present and consenting, with what has occurred afterward, I almost feel as if I have been cheated on. She continues to refuse to allow me to be in any way close to another person male or female. My close friend and I still speak, but I can tell the strain of my wife's 36o degree flip in less than a day has strained our relationship.

Last edited by Sodacan; 09-04-2011 at 07:56 AM. Reason: corrected numerous typos and misspellings
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