Originally Posted by opalescent
What TR said...
And is GC under the impression that you are seeing only him? Have you explicitly, in words which were said aloud, agreed to be monogamous with him? If so, you need to address that as soon as possible.
Is that why you think GC would be hurt that you have other lovers? Or other reasons?
Finally, do your other involvements know about GC? If they don't, it would be a courtesy to tell them, especially if the relationship with GC evolves into something serious. I'm juggling a marriage and two lovers and have found it very helpful that everyone knows about everyone else.
Yes, to be clear, GC would have an expectation on monogamy. As noted by TR, although it has not been explicitly stated by either party its somewhat of an accepted norm. Until poly is more widely known anyway
I do agree that I **should** be telling everyone everything. Note that GC is very long distance, Rob is in a different county and Matt lives a few hours away, I'm dithering because there no practical impetus to tell and sort it out. Again no excuse, I know what I should do here.
GC: is very far away, its very new and has likely never heard of poly. For the moment I'm not seeing or sleeping with Rob or Matt. Would telling him complicate or clarify?
Rob and Matt: Matt knows I've met someone special but I have not indicted that this means I want to be exclusive with new guy. Rob is in a theoretically mono-marriage (clearly he isn't), I dont ask him about his relationship with his wife. Telling Rob/Matt that I'm in a relationship is likely to signal to them that I no longer want to see them. Maybe I'm just not ready to finalise that decision yet.
FYI There can be several months between the times I see either Rob or Matt, even up to half a year.
Rob and Matt don't know about each other, I doubt either would be particularly bothered about it. Its simply never occurred to me to tell either about the other. Funny that...