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Old 09-04-2011, 04:10 AM
Wiseacre Wiseacre is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington State
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trueRiver View Post
If neither partner can give way and yet still flourish as a person, then the relationship will hurt at least one of you (ie the one who gives way). In that case, in my opinion, it would be better to end it. Gracefully, tactfully, respectfully, stay friends, but neither of you trapping the other in something that will stifle her as a person.

Maybe the important thing is whether she can ever accept that this is a part of you (and this does seem in doubt at present). But if she could come to accept it as a part of the person she loves, how much would it matter if she still did not understand??
This is the only thing I feel stifled about in our relationship, though I have agreed to be mono for a year. I'm afraid that when the year is up, if I bring up the subject again, I'll get the same, "Am I not enough for you?" responses and the fights and the guilt will start all over again.

I think that's why it upsets me that she doesn't seem to understand it; we connect so well on every other level. I'm trying new things to deal with my frustration over this; reading about Buddhism and practicing meditation, for example, and just reminding myself how grateful I am to have this relationship with her.

Part of the problem is, I have a tendency to form crushes. She's said she's afraid I'm going to lose my head over every guy that hits on me, and the very fact that I form crushes causes her pain, despite that I know they don't last. She wants me to avoid forming crushes, but it's not exactly something I can control. I feel like if I turn tail and run every time I think I might crush on someone, I might be missing out on some great friendships, and possibly some growth as a person.

I guess I've always thought acceptance springs from understanding, not as two separate states. I'll have to mull that over, thanks for the food for thought!
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