I appreciate the offer of support. I'm really pretty worried about the whole thing. I didn't even realize what was going on for almost a month of it, until my roommate pointed out that the OSO was being abusive and that my partner was essentially implicit in it by conveying these messages to me. It's really complicated. The obvious answer is to un-involve myself, but I'm very worried about my partner because he is bearing the directly aggressive blunt of this, whereas I'm getting it second hand. If it's having this much effect on me from a distance I can't help but be concerned about what it's doing to him. I don't think this is the first situation in which his OSO has used manipulative and mean tactics to get their way and "win" fights. Since I've been involved it's happened in regular bursts. Apparently it's a pattern that has existed in their relationship, and the cycle has just gotten much shorted since I've been involved.
I've told my partner how I feel about his other relationship, that I want nothing to do with his OSO, that I don't want to hear any of the mean things this person says about me, and that I won't allow the OSO to bully me through him. I've been in relationships like this and won't do it again. However, the circumstances in place make it impossible for me to have a regular and timely form of communication, so I'm left being ineffective at finding a productive outlet of my own and a way to have my voice heard. I feel like the circumstantial silencing is growing to be part of the abuse, because it's isolating me to feel crazy, second-guess myself all the time, and feel insecure-not just in my relationship-but also personally and socially insecure.
Last edited by Avenidas; 09-03-2011 at 01:53 PM.