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Old 09-03-2011, 10:07 AM
trueRiver trueRiver is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Manchester, England & Tain, Scotland
Posts: 85

Originally Posted by MichelleZed View Post
I think your wife is making up excuses for why she doesn't like porn. "There's no love involved" seems like a rationalization.

I don't think this is at all fair, Michelle. A lot of poly people, and I am one, choose to keep sex to within loving relationships. That is why I choose to identify as poly rather than as a swinger.

I do not use porn, online or on paper, for this reason: I find it directs my mind towards women as bodies rather than women as people, and I prefer to think of my partners as whole people. I do read some romance novels (perhaps unusually, as a man) and find these different, precisely because the sex there is in the context of a loving relationship (whether short term or long term). I think I would enjoy a love film that included very explicit sex scenes: again the issue for me is putting sex into a loving context.

Originally Posted by Cheesehead100 View Post
What's the polyamory perspective on internet porn? I think it's fun. My wife thinks it's not cool because there's no love involved. Before poly came up, I could understand her issue about porn - because I should be thinking about her and her alone. Now it doesn't seem so clear.
I think you are missing your wife's point here: she is not saying your sexual thoughts should be for her and her alone. (Maybe she was never saying that). What she is saying is that she would prefer it if you chose to keep all your thinking about sex to the context of loving relationships, with her and with others.

That is a point of difference between you as a couple: I am not going to say one of you is right and the other wrong, it is a difference you are going to have to work out between you as two people. Even if there was a poly line on porn, it would not help you as a couple: the issue is that you think about sex in different ways, and how you deal with that difference within your loving relationship.

And finally: to be clear to anyone else who does use porn: I am not saying it is wrong to do so, I am saying that I have made a different choice from you. I would expect a partner to respect my choice, even if they had made a different one.

There are two Rivers here now: which one is this?

quaker poly experiences and poly: a quaker perspective

I hope other British Quakers who are poly (or wonder if they are) will contact me here, thanks, Friends.

Last edited by trueRiver; 09-03-2011 at 10:17 AM. Reason: added response to OP
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