Originally Posted by Curmudgeon
Do I need to grow up and accept responsibility and consequences or does he need to realize that I am grown up and we need to clarify our expectations more clearly? Thanks for any input.
I agree that the idea of you being grounded, as an adult, seems absurd. But in answer to your question...I would say Yes and Yes. If you agree to be home at a certain time, then be there or expect that there will be some kind of consequence. Probably something like loss of trust between the two of you. He does need to treat you like a grown up, you have to act like one, too. And ALWAYS clarify expectations. Since you have had problems in this area, I'd suggest writing them down for a while until you get the hang of it.
All that said, it sounds like he is having a problem with you being with someone else. One of the poly mantras (besides Communicate, Communicate, Communicate) is to go slowly for the person who is struggling the most. If you want to keep him in your life and keep exploring poly, perhaps it's time to slow down. Perhaps see your new partner once every two weeks for a while, if that would help.
And I'd throw out the 1 hour=1 week vs. 15min=1 week since it was obviously a big miscommunication....
Hang in there and keep talking.