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Old 09-01-2011, 03:42 PM
IrisAwakened's Avatar
IrisAwakened IrisAwakened is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 69

Yes, the middle ground! That is what I am still searching for. Is there one? It depends on the person, as you say. My husband is alright with me loving someone else as long as it never gets physical. My poly friend's BF is fine with sex but not her loving someone else. We are all different in that respect so the middle ground would be different.

Yes, it is selfish of both of you, but that is human to look out for one's own happiness. The trick to finding the middle ground is getting each side to give in their stance a little. That might mean moving slower than you would like or maybe having stronger boundaries. For your partner it may mean having to accept you for who you are and letting forge closer friendships with people. Or at least agreeing with you about having the conversations more often.

Only you (proverbially) know what each risk is worth. You might want to (slowly) integrate a conversation about the stakes in this game, ie am I going to lose you if I ____? That is the conversation that helped me the most, was he going to divorce me over this? If so, then no, it wouldn't be worth it at this point in time. If no, then it might be worth continuing a chat about and considering.
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