theory versus practice
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts Carma. I do agree with the theory...but you are right in that our emotions sometimes could care less about some theory! I am proceeding with caution and think that my wife will too. We are being upfront with others that we are keeping our relationship primary. For me to get intimate with someone else is going to require that the person understand and accept that I am not intending to get divorced - so if they are looking for a mono partner, that isn't going to be me. And we can only see other relatively infrequently.
It seems like in your situation trying the poly route was done to accomodate your situation without the unpleasantness of a divorce (or legal separation) but you weren't prepared to have the tables turned on you so to speak. Over dinner the other night, my wife and I admitted we were not repulsed by the idea of the other being with someone else - but we have yet to test this out yet so we shall see! If it gets too intense we will have to talk. I get what you are saying about the highs being higher and the lows being lower. This thing I read about NRE - it is something that I seem to be longing for - I can still remember the excitement and energy of a new love. But the question will be how will this affect the existing one?