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Old 09-01-2011, 02:10 PM
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IrisAwakened IrisAwakened is offline
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You bring up a very good point! I know that I can't change his "culture" (which is a wonderful way to put it), and I know this. I struggle with him accepting my own culture and not just pushing it off as a symptom of a failing marriage. He knows our marriage is awesome, and we both would never end it. I read him articles and try to get him to talk about them, what he has problems dealing with, what he agrees with. He is just the kind of guy that would rather not think about it and wait for it to go away.

Last night I read him the "14 Steps to opening your marriage" and he listened, quietly. I read this because they were all points I had raised in our conversation the other day. Then he was all about getting back to our nightly routine, sans a discussion about the article. So I prodded him a bit, because it really interests me to know more about where he stands on these issues, what exactly he disagrees with, you know? He nodded, said it was interesting and said something about one of the paragraphs, which we both disagreed with. I guess that is a start, right?

He is a cool enough guy though. During our initial conversations he told me that I could be in love with someone and share intimate details with them, as long as we didn't get sexual. For me, they are a package deal, but it interested me that he wasn't afraid of me loving someone else, just being with them physically. I feel my jealousy would reign the other way, jealous of his love, not physical attention (although this has yet to be tested).

That being said, he is fine with me engaging with a guy he knows I want to do, as long as we keep it friendly, physically. We are talking a beach date and he seems fine with it, but more talking is in order before the actual "date" is set. The guy I am "talking" to, lets call him K, is not interested in an emotionally invested relationship with a married woman (ie: friends with benes is fine), which I completely respect and understand (although I am wondering how capable he is in keeping emotional distance).

So we continue to talk, eagerly on my half, begrudgingly on his. He is getting used to the idea and needs more time to process the implications and possibilities, he said as much last night. Just the idea that he could have a girlfriend was mind blowing to him, like a boundary he never thought about crossing before but finds it attractive and scary at the same time.
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