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Old 09-01-2011, 06:00 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Really good essay by Franklin Veaux of xeromag.com:
Polyamory, Loss, and the Superhuman Soul

In it, he says "real intimacy lets you see right through a person and down deep into what my partner Shelly calls their "superhero soul," past appearance and past superficial details and into what makes them who they are."

In this I recognize what Gia and I have done together -- what it means to actively build a relationship. Talking and sharing and saying the hard things and telling the past hurts and revealing the unusual desires. Emotional intimacy.

Veaux also describes "a sort of wishful, warm fuzzy sensation" that we get from false intimacy, where we feel close to someone even though we haven't seen deep inside them the way you do with real intimacy.

I wonder if that "wishful, warm fuzzy sensation" is a lot of what I feel with Eric. After all, he hasn't let me into his interior life the way Gia has.

And yet, while he may not have poured out his heart to me, he *has* let me deep into his life in other ways... into his home, his bed, his marriage. Surely most would consider that to be some very intimate sharing. And I know he's not an introspective person in the way that Gia and I are... maybe he just doesn't have as much to say.

Another interesting wrinkle is that while he may not have ever told me his most private thoughts, he's heard plenty of mine just because he's been within earshot when I've been talking to Gia.

It's not a simple situation, to be sure, so I guess it makes sense that I've let myself dwell on it so much!
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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