Ok... I was booted and my response evaporated into the ether. With a bit of frustration and a WHOLE LOT of luck, I recovered my response. I wanted to make sure people knew that I'm here and that I care.
Hello- Iím Mrs. IPFM. I want to second my hubby in voicing appreciation for the existence of this forum as a resource, particularly for him. I guess I sort of got to a point where I assumed there was no way Iím the only person around who feels the way I do, but it was much harder for him to find a sense of connection with the lifestyle choices we (I) have been making. It has really helped to feel a sense of comfort in knowing that there are lots of people struggling with the same things we are working through on an ongoing basis, and makes both of us feel a lot more comfortable in engaging in productive conversations about what is happening in our lives.
I also want to express my gratitude and incredibly deep appreciation of IPFM for taking on this journey with me. I know that he felt his hands were somewhat tied by his love for me- he knows what a stubborn ass I can be once Iíve made up my mind about something, and he knows he doesnít want to live without me, so I get that telling him he doesnít HAVE TO engage is not 100% true in his mind. I feel continual guilt (particularly every time he struggles with jealousy, frustration, emotional upheaval) for bringing him so far out of his comfort zone on this and canít believe how fortunate I am to be with someone who truly truly wants to facilitate my ability to be me, even when it is painful for him.
I appreciate the encouragement for him to consider finding someone else in his life- I think one of the hardest things for him is that he feels like he has no one besides me with whom to talk about his feelings and about whatís going on, and that can clearly be loaded when heís feeling upset or uncomfortable and my choices are the root cause. (So, again, hooray for this forum and the opportunity to get some additional support or have ears to listen!) I have encouraged him to seek connection outside of our marriage as well, and while everything I know of him makes it hard to imagine him being anything but mono I want to make sure he doesnít feel like I have a double standard and want something that I wouldnít willingly provide for him should he decide he does want it.
Just for clarification- last night was not the first night W and I had together (with IPFMís blessings). My adorable, wonderful, loving and hilariously analytical husband spent hours last week constructing an elaborate excel spreadsheet that categorized every hour of every day in terms of who gets to spend time with whom, whether itís alone time, group time, whether kids are around and awake, etc. in order to make things as equitable as possible in the creation of a schedule, which he then proceeded to do based on weighing all of the available data. So last night was the first officially scheduled night we had within that context.