I have gone through many changes sexually with my husband of 10 years. Every new person that comes along has caused a shift in my desire for him... I do my best to not read into it too much and just keep checking in on how I feel about him. I still love him immensely, so I don't worry, it all comes around. I am interested to see what happens with Mono... we have sex almost daily and that has been the case for over two years now. When we don't have it I feel loss. When we were first together and in NRE we spent hours and hours and I felt as the OP did, immediately turned on just to see him. I had sex with my husband then and enjoyed the closeness and his difference. We reached a new level of richness as a result.
All the dynamics around sex are just as important as everything else going on... one person feel a desperate need to be close, to pull away, to bring something new into an established sex life can shift everything. I have found it just easier to go with it, be honest, yet kind and caring, push myself sometimes to be intimate when I initially don't feel like it and to be firm when I really don't want to... sometimes its necessary to give to my partners when they need me and sometimes I have to give to myself by saying no, or because I am soooo into them. Weighing it all out and keeping balance in ones sex life is just as important as all the other aspects to creating a successful relationship dynamic with several people.
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