Lengthy, but it's a good story!
For starters, I have been married to my wife for 5 years now. It started out as a long distance relationship that after a few in person meetings suddenly warped to, "I don't want to be long distance anymore, ever." So the agreement was made and we got married. Nothing fancy, rings, courtroom judge, and vows. We were together, we were happy.
I had always been open with her about my thoughts and feelings, about the driving desires of men. She knew I flirted some, and watched porn sometimes. You know, the things that men hide from their wives. I was being as honest as I could with her, but I was not truly being honest with myself. Due to a history of one of her own parents cheating and the disruption it caused within their household, I had committed in my heart to never even give her a chance to catch me doing it; I would not hurt her like that, no matter what. That of course does not make feelings for other people go away. Life was still good and went on.
Fast-forward to 8 months ago or so. Both of us play video games, with a lot of together time. At the time it was World of Warcraft, where we had met over 5 years before.(DON'T JUDGE ME!) :) We met a female, we both liked her as a "friend." Long story short, logging in to spend time conversing with her became the high point of my wife's days. For my part, I was trying to help her out with her rocky marriage on the other side of the world. We both developed a relationship with her, myself was intimate and sexually charged with very deviant thoughts even as I tried to keep it in the "friend" zone due to my commitment. My wife basically found her soul-friend; thoughts, likes, comments on just about anything were mirrored between the two of them.
So one morning I was up and playing, chatting with our friend. We were talking about personal things that simply put...I was ashamed to share with my wife at the time. I was not as honest as I had let myself believe. My wife woke up, and noticed my coincidental logging off shortly after she awoke. She got upset but I only had a few min to reassure her that it was nothing because in the end, I didn't plan on cheating or anything like that. I headed to bed to get some sleep before work that evening. She greeted me when I awoke with the same isolated upset mood I had left her in. I told her we would need to talk it out when I got home.
At work that night I got the most hurtful facebook message she could have possibly composed; like I had been lying to her for our past years of marriage and she meant nothing to me. I had to call her right away to start assuring her that I wasn't going to leave her for this woman on the other side of the world. Over the course of the conversation, she somehow got to the root of her problems. It was not completely me she was angry with, or even our friend. She was upset because she wanted to be a part of the small intimacies the friend and I were enjoying. She was so upset....because she wanted our friends affections as well. Needless to say, this totally blew my mind.
In the end, it didn't work out with the friend, she isn't ready for such a relationship, but it completely blew the lid off what my wife and I had considered a marriage. We now no longer have secrets, shame, etc and it is the best feeling in the world. I would say I am the happiest man in the world...but I think there were others on this site before me. :) And while we have yet to put it into practice, we are looking forward to meeting others who have similarly opened their minds to such joy when we get back to the USA. Now just all the usual issues to deal with, meeting people, coming out, and our daughter...to be continued!
Glad to be here!
Pretty much..that this is they way we want to live instead. That we are OK with each other having other interests, and the desire to form marriage like bonds with people other than just the two of us. I know we are new to it and there will be rough patches along the road, but it is definitely the road we want to be on.
In theory we would prefer that those we care about know it is our choice, not just find out it has already happened and go on the defensive about it.
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