Blending: am I going crazy?
I have been a 'single' poly person since last October, and initially was seeing a string of men for one-off dates, before forming a loose collection of fuckbuddies. But something has changed. I now feel love for three men in my life. One (C) I've been 'seeing' for six months. He is not poly at all, and sees me as a friend with benefits. The other two I've only got to know over the last couple of months. This is where the craziness starts. I love both of them, and have insanely good sex with both. One (P) is as much of an (ethical) slut as I am - we both date pretty much every night, albeit he tends to see the same people more than once, and I am still partial to the one-off. The second (G) is only seeing one other person, a woman, but is completely fascinated and encouraging of my pursuit of multiple partners.
I've spent the last few days with them as follows: G, P, P, C, G, G, (free), P, G. Last night with G I felt myself in an incredibly weird head space. The conversations he was starting felt like they were picking up from ideas I'd been speaking to P and C about. Sexually it feels like I'm in a whirl. It is as if the NRE is spilling between each of the relationships, and they are blending together in my mind. It's not that I'm losing sight of each person's individuality (although I do forget what I've told each of them), but more like I'm in the centre of a crazy merry-go-round where everything blurs into one.
Is this normal? I have no desire to see one man any more than any other (it is logistics which prevent me from seeing more of C). But my brain seems to feel like it is in one relationship with many facets rather than three separate relationships!
Apologies if this doesn't seem to make sense. I was hit by feeling so strongly last night that G noticed it, and asked if everyone was blending together (he - wonderfully - just expressed interest in the situation, rather than any kind of fear or jealousy).
Yes, you are absolutely normal. Keep having fun!
Well you ARE in one relationship - from your own internal perspective. Your relationship with life! And all these others (and more) ARE just different facets.
Interesting observation actually ! :)
When that will change is when you start to really focus on the other instead of yourself.
Then you'll have a lot stronger sense of the individuality of each relationship.
And that's where (I think) the "real" starts. That's when we get really engaged. Beyond ourselves.
I have several relationships, I get what you mean. I find that all of them together makes a whole for me. To me its my tribe/family. I love all of them and the whole would not be whole without the parts. If it works then go with it.
It might help in being less confused to see what happens when you stop going on dates to have one offs and really see the picture you have created ahead of you. Just a thought.
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