New to Poly & feeling nervous about it (long)
Polyamory is something I've been thinking about for rather a long time
now, about 6 or so years now. I first encountered polyamory when I was in my early twenties when I met a amazing woman called J, she was beautiful, Intense, Passionate and so very caring; She was also married to a absolutely great guy (who i knew) and in a successful poly relationship and she wanted me to be one of her secondary partners. I had to turn her down, I had no problem with poly relationships and could even see the ways a poly relationship would be better suited to me. But I was also all too painfully aware that I was young, immature, insecure and emotional. I have always been very self-aware and knew that I wouldn't be suited to it, much as I might have wanted to it would have been irresponsible of me to get involved back then. I was 24 back then, I am now 36 and have grown, matured, loved, lost, been single for 4/5 years at a time and been badly burned a few times too. I regret nothing, I've learned so much in the time from experiences past. I met another girl later who was poly about 2006, she and her primary partner's relationship had broken down a fair bit I believe and they decided that poly would be the best course of action for them and we talked about the reasons why. The conversation was something that resonated very strongly with me in that she had aspects of her personality that he couldn't understand and things choices that she needed in that he wasn't interested in. This reminded me of some of my issues with past partners with interests such as bdsm where my orientation wasn't compatible with my partners but even more so were social, intellectual and other needs that either a partner couldn't provide for me and also that I couldn't provide for them and in this respect poly made sense (but thinking that way made me feel like i was being selfish). I met someone recently and was and am a bit swept off my feet by her. Long story short, she is poly & bi (its a bit more convoluted than that) she is so completely honest and caring and I trust her completely. We have had many conversations about relationships, how things work as opposed to how they should work and polyamory. She said with poly as her primary default state that her partner(s) would have to accept that they would be sharing her and I realized it just makes so much sense and its a big part of who she is and has probably contributed towards why she is so honest and communicative. But if we went forward and I am not saying that's on the cards, her happiness is very important to me ... I can't describe why but it all makes sense not just for her but me too. So as you can probably read I am fairly convinced already, so why am i worried and why have i never attempted it before? and if things don't go ahead will i still decide poly is for me? I worry because I am still a little insecure as a person but am kind of past the whole jealousy thing its more reassurance that I'm loved. I struggle to communicate my needs and concerns even these days when all grown up, if my family found out which is likely they might not understand and in fact i imagine my brother (who would be most likely to find out) and would likely be among my biggest detractor even though he'd probably respect me quietly for making my choice and living my life. More i think its that monogamy has been so ingrained in my life and its hard to jump, maybe its time close my eyes and jump. I often wonder how people found poly and if they struggled reconciling what they want to do with how they have been brought up and how they got past it. The reason that its taken me 6 years of consideration is because I've never known how to approach it, not known if people will react or worried that people will listen to me talk about it and think i am a dafty or nut, I never expected talking about something that makes so much sense to be so intimidating to bring up. There was originally a question or two in their but its turned into a bit of a ramble, I guess i need some opinions on how I'm thinking, feeling and my thoughts on poly but i find it hard to put it all into words. Thanks for reading Fuzzy |
I love how all your text is over to one side.
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Fuzzy, Go to the blogs and life story section, read the triumphs and failures, you will learn a lot I promise.
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lol, I wrote it in a email program so i could spell check it
although its also one of my anal retentive email habits ;) |
I'll do that bitterborn thanks for the suggestion :)
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