First time butterflies
So my husband and I have been talking about trying to go poly for a while now, and last week, after talking to a mutual friend who we'd both agreed on, he made arrangements to see her tonight and try being, well, more-than-friends with her. (Just putting it that way because I don't know exactly what the plan is this evening, don't know if they're jumping straight into bed or going on a date or what exactly.)
So now I'm sitting here and I just feel a bit... weird. I'm trying to define it. I don't think I feel sad or upset, I don't think I mind exactly, it just seems... weird.
And now I'm worrying, because I've been worrying all along that the fact that I didn't feel like I minded might be denial, that maybe when it happened suddenly I'd realise that it was painful and horrible. And I am concerned that maybe I'm starting to mind but at the same time I still don't feel like I mind, I feel like I ought to mind.
Thus far, this is a one night thing. We're going to talk about it after tonight and try and decide if it's a way we want to continue to live. (We are very lucky to have such an understanding friend who is happy to be our guinea pig in this way... don't worry, she knows the score!)
I just wondered, really, what others of you felt if/when you first experienced some kind of poly situation. I've been looking around the forums and reading a few posts. So far the only person I've talked to about it is my husband... we don't really want to go around trying to explain it to people until we know whether it's going to be a long-term thing or not.
I suppose I just kinda wanted to hear from some people who might understand and respond while I'm sitting here with butterflies in my stomach!
I know what you mean by feeling weird. It was the same for me when my wife had her first experience...
The only thing I can offer is to not project into the future. This is the sort of thing that you can only take as it comes. You might only know if it's a long term thing once it's been a long term thing. I doubt that you will know much after one night....
To ease our sense of uncertainty we all want to be able to predict the future, but living in uncertainty is where all of life's magic is...
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