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BexyandBen 10-20-2009 07:32 PM

Greetings
 
We're new to this forum, have dabbled with the lifestyle, but have met with several catastrophic failures and we're very skittish at this point.

Just saying hello, for now.

Our interest is in a long-term--as in "lifelong"--triad with the right woman. We want to take things slow, develop a friendship before anything else.

We'd also like to be able to talk to others and have a community of support because our friends, family and the world in general will never understand our interest.

Bexy and Ben

MonoVCPHG 10-20-2009 07:39 PM

Welcome to the forums and best of luck!

Fidelia 10-20-2009 08:35 PM

Hi! Welcome!

LovingRadiance 10-20-2009 10:06 PM

Welcome.

HappiestManAlive 10-21-2009 01:18 AM

Welcome, and good luck!

BexyandBen 10-23-2009 01:08 AM

We appreciate all the well-wishes, but we're starting to wonder if we're the serious oddballs here.

It seems that the most common poly that we see here so far is polyandry, is that really the most common? Or just our sensitivity to it?

ARod 10-23-2009 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BexyandBen (Post 9327)
We're new to this forum, have dabbled with the lifestyle, but have met with several catastrophic failures and we're very skittish at this point.

I'm new to the concept, and would love to see if I could get such a relationship to work myself, so I'd like to know what kind of failures you had, so I can learn from them. Only if you care to share, of course.

Good luck in finding the right woman. :)

BexyandBen 10-23-2009 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ARod (Post 9638)
I'm new to the concept, and would love to see if I could get such a relationship to work myself, so I'd like to know what kind of failures you had, so I can learn from them. Only if you care to share, of course.

Good luck in finding the right woman. :)

ARod,
We first tried in 2002. We had a friend of six years. Everything seemed to click between us. She was divorced. She was open to a relationship. We started seeing each other. Over a period of about three months, she slowly started moving from Triad to V and eventually said she couldn't handle the idea of sharing someone she loved. She also started to try to pull Ben away from Bex. Ben put his foot down and said it wasn't going to happen and she bailed.

We waited about five years to heal the pain and then started looking again. About the time we started discovering some possible interest points, Bex got pregnant--and we didn't want to go through two major life changes at the same time, so we stopped looking.

After the baby was about a year old, we started looking again (a year and a half ago). We met someone who seemed like a great fit--but then ran into some serious questions about her integrity. She had all the right answers, but we were still nervous. Her answers seemed almost "too good". Then she ran into difficulty with her family, they threatened us with legal battles, had her committed for 96 hour watch--all because of poly views.

We backed away from each other, she found someone else as an FWB, and yet posted online about how much she wanted to join our family. There were some hurt feelings on her part and ours, too.

Two months ago, Ben and she got together and started to talk about trying again. She said she would, that she would put her other relationship on "just friends" status and try. After seven weeks, we discovered that she was lying the whole time. Not only didn't she put the relationship on hold, but actually *started* a committed relationship *the very next day*. (We found an email from her that told him "I love you" for the first time and where she asked him to marry her.)

When Ben confronted her about it, she started to deny it, then he pointed it out and she admitted to everything, apologized, said she would really put it on hold and give us a solid six-month "trial connection". Two days later, she was waffling again.

A fwe weeks ago, she had asked us to help her discover if she had any outstanding warrants (we have some good connections) and the information came back just after all this happenend. We discovered that a lot of those "too good to be true" answers were just that. She has been lying to us from the start.

(As an example, she claimed that she was divorced, then discovered she was still married and claimed it was a complete surprise--but we found that not only was she fully divorced, she actually *remarried* the same guy the year before she met us and had made NO ATTEMPT AT ALL to dissolve the second marriage. We're very particular that we don't get involved with those who are married. It's a matter of honor for us--and she knew that from the start.)

Long story short (too late!), we just keep uncovering lie after lie after lie after lie. And we don't believe you can establish a loving, trusting relationship on a bed of lies.

This is really the short version and so much has been left out. Feel free (anyone!) to ask questions, give advice, etc.

And for the record, we're not interested in flings, short-term stuff, quick hops into bed or just sexual experiences--we're looking for a life-long love, a woman who wants to join our marriage and our lives until we pass into the next life.

LovingRadiance 10-23-2009 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BexyandBen (Post 9635)
We appreciate all the well-wishes, but we're starting to wonder if we're the serious oddballs here.

It seems that the most common poly that we see here so far is polyandry, is that really the most common? Or just our sensitivity to it?

I don't know if it's most common or not. Not sure WHAT is most common. But I know while we are actively in a V with me having a husband on one side and bf on the other-my husband is actively seeking a girlfriend.

IF bf had a serious girl I would find it preferable that we have a quad. But he's self-conscious about dental work he needs done and isn't willing to pursue a relationship until that is resolved. I think a quad would be preferential though... but I'm not limiting myself to "a quad or nothing" either.

Correct me if I'm wrong-you two are hoping to create a permanent triad with another woman to your couple correct? No issue in my mind there. Ceoli was in a triad of two women 1 man recently I believe.....

BexyandBen 10-23-2009 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance (Post 9652)
Correct me if I'm wrong-you two are hoping to create a permanent triad with another woman to your couple correct? No issue in my mind there. Ceoli was in a triad of two women 1 man recently I believe.....

Yes. Seeking a Triad with another woman. We've talked about the idea of a V--but Bexy is not comfortable with the idea of separate bedrooms, being locked out, or having to be together on a 'schedule'. She once said, quite emphatically, "I don't know when or what I'll actually want to get involved with, but I don't want to be locked out or prevented to be with my own husband for any reason."


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